Update to Fil is in critical care

Content warning – the passing of an older loved one.

Husband has been extremely soft. My worries of him being upset with me we’re thankfully unfounded.

Fil is receiving full life support in icu. Tomorrow he will likely transition to palliative care, and it will be a fairly quick ending from there the dr’s believe. So today hubby had me bring our littles to say goodbye as fil is still alert. Tired but aware. And he asked to see them so I obliged.

Mil came rushing out hugging and kissing the boys and all smiles with them. It was a bit odd but I guess she was trying not to scare them being too somber? I don’t know. Then she insisted on hugging me. I don’t want to be hugged but it’s not the time or place for a confrontation. The sickly sweet “I Lovvveeee Youuuuuuu” over and over made me gag. And then, no less than fifteen times did she comment on my weight. I’ve dropped a lot. Yes. She hasn’t seen me in three years. But one of my hard and fast boundaries is no comments on my weight. None. Zero. No. Hubby shut it down one time but she was like a rabid dog.

So four hugs. Three I Lovbveeee you’ssss, 15 weight comments, and just totally all over my kids. And one bil hug forced on me as well.

My youngest literally ran at me after I left the room for a minute to use a bathroom. The kids don’t know their uncle at all. Youngest barely knows his grandparents even. I haven’t seen bil in four years. Mil and fil in three.

But while I have limp hugs , I played nice for the old man who was actually generally kind to me. And who loved my kids.

I brought a bag of small framed family photos from when mil and fil still had bil and she living with them. I brought childrens storybook bibles that they used to read as a family. And hubbys laptop so he could play hymns for his dad . Plus two things of food so cooking doesn’t have to happen.

And all I could think was that these are the things they didn’t do for me when my mother died. I literally got radio silence. It was ten days later that dh yelled at them as I was planning a funeral from 1500 miles away with a newborn and a toddler, before they finally called. By then I was done. It was literally the moment I thought “wow they really do hate me. They cannot even find empathy when my mom dies”. And I knew I wouldn’t try ever again.

Today was about dh. And his dad. That’s it. I will continue to support him. But once the funeral is over, I will be backing away again and leaving them to their fake love crap.

It is taking everything in me not to complain to dh about them. But it’s not the time. So I’m doing it here.

Update to Fil is in critical care