Resentment of FMIL

So to start this off, back in January, FMIL and I got into a huge argument. We are having a destination wedding with the goal of having around 50 people coming/invited and it being only our closest friends and intermediate families. FH invited his 4 cousins he’s close to . Fast forward 10+ years and the cousins dad has married the woman he was cheating on his dying wife with. Stepmother has 2 kids, I had no clue they existed until after we were engaged when I met one of them at one of the cousins weddings. Anyhow, FMIL said “can we please invite these two step cousins.” And we both agreed we have no relationship with said cousins and so they would not be invited. We told FMIL twice they are not invited.

The next time we were at their house, FMIL came up to me, holding my hand, and begged for us to invite them saying that she will pay for their food, lodging, etc. I said “when FH and I decided to get married in Ireland, we decided to do so because it’s very important for us to only have people we know and love there.” She then told me I am ripping the family apart by not inviting them and the uncle wouldn’t buy flights for the cousins now, so the cousins would hate me too. She then stormed off in a rage. I was very upset and after about an hour of cool off time, I approached her and again explained how important it was that we have an intimate wedding and how we chose Ireland for that purpose. Her response was “it’s not your wedding, it’s the families wedding. And it should be a healing event .” So won’t give you all the in between of her sending me nasty texts and telling me I had 24 hours to respond and decide. I basically said “fine they can come but no more.” The worst part? I apologized for being such a selfish bride and told her she was right and I was wrong. Fast forward to May and it happens again. This time, FH’s uncle , says if you don’t invite these other cousins, I’m not going to your wedding. And that’s how we got to 84 guests with only 22 being on my side. . We won’t even get into how she was talking shit to the other siblings about this.

From everything that’s happened, I hold such a grudge against her. I do not want to visit their house or spend time with them like I used to. Recently, FH has been completely manipulated into going to their house for events when he says no. First it was his cousins birthday . We just got back from driving 10 hours home from vacation the day before, we had to move all our furniture , I had a work trip starting Tuesday, and we still had to unpack. He told her “we spent a lot on gas today getting home and I really don’t want to drive 2 more hours tomorrow. Plus we have a ton to do next week.” She venmoed him $150 and told him his uncle wouldn’t forgive him if he didn’t go. Again, today, the Fourth of July, he said we weren’t going. We are spending a week with them at the lake starting Saturday. She said the whole thing was planned for us to be there and her friend was so excited to see us and talk about some send off party we don’t even want that she’s planning. . Both times FH went.

Finally, for the past two mothers days I spent the entire weekend with her. She’s very big on Mother’s Day and my mom was very Covid cautious. I decided to spend the entire day with my mom. FH was going to come to my moms for dinner . They do a big brunch – that’s their Mother’s Day event. She told him it’s not fair he’s going to my moms for dinner AND said I must hate her because I’m only spending the day with my mom.

I’m finding my resentment swelling past her and now aimed towards FH too . She’s just too manipulative.

Am I being dramatic? Is this manipulative? AITA?

Resentment of FMIL