My mom insists she sees something others don’t.

Typical sorry for formatting, long post, please do not post this anywhere else statement here. TL;DR at the end.

My mom has always been obsessed with my weight. She took pride in seeing just how skinny I could get. It definitely caused some problems. I had an eating disorder as a teen and I didn’t break 90 pounds until I was 18 and didn’t break 100 until I was 21. I am only 5 feet but this was still unweight for my size. I was proud whenever the scale showed I was underweight and so was she. I’m well aware it has likely had lasting affects on my health I’ll see when I get older. To this day I can’t go a day seeing her where she does not bring up my weight.

Background: a big part of me breaking 100 pounds when I was 21 was me meeting my ex and us moving provinces for school. It was my first time moving away from my parents and I definitely made mistakes. A big one was instead of finding a healthy relationship with food I began binging and using it as a comfort. Prior to this I would go a day or two without eating. When I was away from my family my relationship with food changed and I was a terrible stress eater. I went from around 100 pounds to 130 in 5 years. You better believe my mom commented on it when we did see her. And boy did it always make it worse.

Now: 2022 has been a very defining year for me. I once again live in the same city as my parents. My ex and I bought a house together. Unfortunately we discovered we were not right for each other and broke up very shortly after. My entire lifestyle has changed. I don’t eat out much anymore. I don’t drive so I now transit and walk pretty much everywhere. With some support i got off my depression medication. In about 4 months I went from 130 down to 115. I feel better. I’m healthier. And of course, my mom can’t stop talking about it.

The issue: ever since I started putting on weight my mom would make these comments about me walking with a tilt. Saying I leaned heavily to one side. She is the only person to ever say this and every time she does it makes me self conscious for days. She had not commented on it since last year but when I saw her yesterday she said I was walking better. I asked what she meant and she told me my walking was so messed up when I gained weight she thought I had a stroke and encouraged me to keep losing so i could get rid of it completely. I was dumbfounded and said she is the only person to ever say I walked funny and she insisted everyone was trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings but everyone noticed. Thing is, when I gained weight my friends commented . When my ex and I broke up and I dropped 15 pounds they commented once about how good I looked and left it at that. I feel like if my walking was that screwed up they would say something. My downstairs tenant and I have known each other since high school. He saw the changes in my body and says he never thought I walked funny. I asked my boss who I have been with since last year and she agreed with him. I asked my new partner about it as he and I first met when I was at my heaviest and he said he never noticed but if I do favor the one side it is more likely due to the injury I suffered to my right leg in high school then my weight.

She is so insistent I have this tilt but everyone I know says I don’t. I feel like it’s also worth mentioning that she only ever brings this up when we are alone and never said anything when I was underweight. She has seen me multiple times this year but it has always been with someone else and looking back I remember always telling my ex she said something after the fact. And she always relates it to my weight. I feel like I am going crazy when she does this. I obsess about if I am walking funny. Why does she claim to see this when no one else does? Is this some gaslighting thing to try and get me to lose weight? Like what the hell?

TL;DR – my mom is obsessed with my weight. As soon as I started gaining she insisted I walked with a tilt. She always blames my weight but everyone says she’s wrong and it makes me feel self conscious and insane.

My mom insists she sees something others don’t.