Sorry if this is a long post! I’ve been keeping this to myself and just need to vent/would love some advice.
My fiancé didn’t talk much about his family, of course I knew there was some family troubles but they seemed to be very nice, loving and supportive. When I first met his family, his mother was VERY welcoming and loving. She even made the effort to ask my fiancé what my favorite wine was so she could have it on hand for our visit. It went so well we exchanged numbers and I helped her plan a surprise visit where we live. The visit here went well but took a turn, I didn’t know she struggled with alcoholism and she got a bit too drunk, then she had developed a hatred towards my fiancés siblings while they were there with us. We all got passed it but the rest of the trip was quiet and awkward, she didn’t really talk at all. I thought maybe she was embarrassed but my fiancé let me know this was pretty normal for her so I just moved passed it. After that she would text me for every holiday and every birthday, or just a text here and there to keep in touch.
Flash forward a little, my fiancé and I had struggles due to my fiancé lying to me. I’m a DV survivor and I deal with CPTSD so unfortunately his lie broke our trust and was a huge trigger for me! He at one point confided in his mom about his lie…but that somehow led to her calling me abusive. Not sure how his lie breaking our trust makes ME abusive? This really really hurt me because my abuser gaslit me to believe I was the problem and sometimes even the abusive one so I always feared it to be true.
My fiancé didn’t stand up for me in the moment but eventually I let him know how much it hurt me so he let her know…but he sorta failed at standing up for me again, he’s not confrontational at all so all he said was it upset me and didn’t give a reason why. She sent a text “apologizing” but it wasn’t an apology at all! It reads “I know you guys are going through some stuff. I’m sorry if I seemed angry but I’m only concerned for the both of you.” I very later let my fiancé know she didn’t exactly apologize. I waited to let him know because I was just trying to get passed it but I just couldn’t and it was still affecting me. My fiancé politely let her know why it hurt me and still to this day no apology. All she had said to him was “if I had known she was abused I wouldn’t have said that.”
Flash forward to now, we got engaged a month before my birthday. During my birthday month my MIL asked when my birthday was which was a first, she has always remembered my birthday and would text me on the day, so I text her letting her know when it was. Welp my birthday comes around and she didn’t tex me…. My fiancé called her 9 days after my birthday to just see if anything was up and she acted like my birthday was the next day but it seemed SO fake. I feel crazy but I swear it feels like she did it on purpose to make me feel forgotten! My FIL forgot my birthday as well but he text a few days later apologizing, my MIL? Nothing. Ever since we got engaged and the birthday she has acted like I don’t even exist. There was even a funeral and everybody was asking if I could make it or not, my MIL? Nope. She also has acted like only my fiancé is engaged, idk how to explain it but she’s basically only celebrating his engagement, not our engagement if that makes sense.
I was trying to text her and maybe create more of a relationship with her. Even thought about sending her engagement photos since my other in laws wanted them but…I didn’t end up doing it.
I feel completely disrespected and have no respect for her at all because of how she hurt me. Surviving domestic violence was by far one of the hardest parts of my life and I do not take being called abusive lightly, I’m in therapy for my trauma and do everything I can to make sure I’m not mistreating people! So it just fucking hurts. I’m willing to get passed it if she apologized and we had an opportunity to talk but it doesn’t seem like she even cares to mend our relationship even after my fiancé spoke with her about it.
Not to mention her lack of interest and support in our relationship has me wondering why I’m trying. I feel like I’m begging for her to care, if I have to beg or it’s one sided effort why should I try?
Am I wrong for going NC and not trying to create a relationship with her?
UPDATE: she randomly drunk text me “I love you”out of the blue. I am not responding but I’m scared of the outcome of not responding.