MIL/ SIL drama

Hi, looking for an outside view and thoughts on what to do next.
I’ve been married for 17 years and have had 4 arguments with my in laws and every time it happens I feel like I’m treated like trash and how do I continue to coexist with them??

Argument 1 – getting married did the wedding for him. His mom choose bridal party, people to invite etc. didn’t want a wedding as I am estranged from most of my family but they wanted one while his grandma was alive to see. Setting up the seating chart and his sister demands her best friend be at the bridal table which I didn’t want as I didn’t know her and wanted the bridal party to be seated together. I was yelled at and they all ended up cancelling the bachelorette party. Wedding went on and forgotten.

2- 6 months after the wedding his mom asks for 20k to start a business we only had 10k to our names but he had a credit card with the line of credit We let her use the card and she agreed to pay $500 back a month. Almost 6 months down the line she is making minimum payments, we were living in the basement and giving her rent of $500 plus bills, she wouldn’t event put the money we were giving her to the card. She was mad because I told him to ask her to pay and stop being a lying B about planning on paying. She proceeded to tell me he shouldn’t have married me and this is why I have no family and slap me. I slapped her back and we moved out the next weekend. I didn’t speak to her for 5 years until I had a miscarriage and she/he requested we invite her over when we purchased a new home.

3- In 2017 she was watching our kids and her daughter had surgery. We came to pick the kids up and I was cleaning the room up after the kids so she didn’t have to when her and the daughter were saying why didn’t we take the kids home already because her mom needed to take the daughter home. I took the kids and told my husband let’s go. I was told I didn’t understand what they meant that her daughter was tired and I was being ungrateful and rude. He wasn’t even allowed to speak at the sisters wedding and we were seated with cousins and not the immediate family. Our daughter then had a cancer scare at 2 years old and his sister decided to visit a friends baby for Halloween instead of supporting her brother though the first surgery. This lead to about 3 years of not speaking as we couldn’t understand this since we didn’t know if our daughter would make it and the sister had no care.

4- with Covid my husband and our family got closer with his mom and sister. His mom has watched our kids on Tuesday and Wednesday since our oldest was born 10 years at her request. His parents are separated so we were always to make sure Mondays and Tuesdays were free for her. His sister recently had a baby 3 months ago and his mom randomly stopped showing up on these days or showed up and leaves after 30 mins. My daughter now 5 would cry and ask why grandma is leaving and when she’d be back for hours since she feels that grandma doesn’t love her but only the new baby. I talked to his mom about please trying to give her time without leaving until she adjusts a little and not to come on the days she knows her daughter needs help so my 5yo doesn’t get upset since she about when leaving her. 3 weeks after this convo my mil shows up at school to say hi to my daughter give her a candy bar and tell her she need to go help her aunt. I tell her fine ahead followed with the response of “I know you’d react this way” this triggered me into an argument because she disrespected what I asked her to do and will continue to harm my daughter now having to watch her cry about grandma leaving. I feel since I’m the DIL my kids are now pushed to the side even though for the last 10 years I’ve had to make mondays and Tuesday her days. Since the argument the mom and sisters family haven’t spoken to me 4 weeks.

Finally to the question. I feel disregarded and trashed every-time I am cut off then I have to go back without an apology and be a “yes” man to this family. As long as I don’t have a disagreement with them it’s fine but when I do I’m tossed aside. Is this healthy to keep my family in because they are blood?

MIL/ SIL drama