CONTENT WARNING: death, mentions of abuse.
I posted about this in another sub and someone linked here. I’m glad they did because honestly now I’m just angry.
Edit: I can’t fully cut contact until I get my SIL moved in here. She would absolutely take it out on my SIL and ruin her things, I refuse to let that happen. We’re planning on getting her stuff while my MIL is out with a friend for a few hours and then getting tf out of there. My husband’s friend group is also helping us.
My husband died a week and a half ago. We were married for less than a year. My MIL was fucking horrible the entire time.
The backstory before the whole fucking ordeal this week. My husband didn’t have a relationship with her when he moved out. He started trying again and we met shortly after. He told me everything and I was open to having a relationship with her, as I wanted to try for him. He wanted his mother, but she overstepped so many boundaries.
My husband was the golden child and his sister was the scapegoat, so that dynamic was messy. She was very inappropriate with my husband, making comments about how I’m lucky he’s so handsome, how she wished his father had been that gentle and loving. Weird shit.
When we got engaged, he expressed desire to move back to the place he grew up. I had never lived outside of the tiny town I grew up in, so I jumped on that. He got a house there, moved me in a few weeks later. It was perfect. My MIL tried desperately to ruin it. Constantly stopping by unannounced. She came by on the night of his birthday. The night. We weren’t having birthday sex yet, but clearly planned on it. She knocked for 20 minutes before spam calling us. He finally answered and they got into an argument because he wouldn’t let her in. A bunch more shit happened while we were engaged, this just gives you a fraction.
When we got married, she showed me the dress she planned on wearing. It went with our colors, it was very low key and honestly I was shocked. Anyways, the day of the wedding she showed up in a white dress. My SIL knew of her plan. Instead of stressing me out, she brought different dresses for my MIL and “accidentally” spilled makeup on her white dress. It caused a lot of issues for her after, but I will never forget that act of kindness.
Anyways, my husband died. A sudden and traumatic death. He was declared brain dead, I chose to have his organs donated. She pitched a fit the entire time. She claimed that her baby was being “murdered” by his wife. That there’s a chance medicine can save him one day. That his “body was being ripped apart” and called the people receiving transplants selfish. Fucking wild.
As I planned his funeral, I tried to consult her. I tried to be kind and help her grieve as well. Ultimately I had rights to plan the funeral. Everything she wanted, I know my husband would’ve hated. She didn’t want him cremated, he wanted to be. She tried to pick out a casket with frills and flowers and just very gaudy, he would have laughed. Ultimately I chose to respect his wishes and have him cremated.
During his funeral visitation, as we were standing up at the front talking to people in line, her comments were fucking unbearable. Any time someone came through, specifically her friends, she made a point to tell them that she didn’t pick anything. She criticized the flowers, the photos. She made snide remarks as my brother spoke at the funeral. I still wasn’t burned from her, she was grieving and I wanted to help her.
I planned to split the ashes. Me, both of his parents , his sister. I would be taking some of my portion and scattering them at the place he proposed. We didn’t have any death plans, but he mentioned it once before we got married. The portion I would have left, I’m not prepared to confront yet. I have trauma surrounding death, specifically the remains . I’m not prepared to have them displayed, but eventually I want to. She asked what my plans were and I let her know. Scatter some, keep some until I’m ready to display. That was a mistake. My act of grief support was a mistake.
She’s harassed me relentlessly since. She’s claiming that she deserves all the ashes. She raised him, she knew him longer, she deserves them all. MIL claims that I’ll get “a portion” when I’m “mentally stable again” and makes shitty comments. Fuck her. I refused, I was his wife, I had the say. Since his funeral, my SIL has been staying with me. MIL has come by at 6 in the morning, demanding I let her know when the ashes arrive. She calls her daughter constantly, trying to get her to secretly tell her what day they’ll arrive and get me out of the house so she can fucking come by and get them. She’s absolutely insane.
So my SIL is staying with me for as long as she wants to. I just don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how to deal with her and im scared this will never end.