Long post, please bare with me and thank you to anyone reading.
I’ve posted here quite a bit and for about half a year I’ve been completely no contact with MIL. I’ve had her blocked on everything or I was at least under the impression that she still was. Email, Facebook, Instagram, Text/Call. All platforms I had stopped all contact.
Back in April of this year my previous phone had randomly died on me. That same day I got myself a replacement and with that, I transferred my SIM. I’m sure this was really stupid of me and I’m really mad at myself because I hadn’t double checked everything. To make a long story short, my MIL was no longer blocked and could contact me through text and calls. That block didn’t transfer and I had no idea it wouldn’t. For months I had not heard a single thing from her and she constantly went around telling people about how much she has tried to reach me and has not succeeded due to me blocking her. I genuinely believed I had nothing to worry about.
Yesterday I had woken up from a nap to see I had a text from an unknown number. Honestly, I thought this text was from my abusive father because the text said something along the lines of how words have been manipulated into something far from the truth and we used to be super close and how family means everything. It was long so that’s a brief summary but overall, it was super manipulative and quite similar to things I’ve received in the past from my father. I sent a screenshot to my SO quite frantic that my father had found a way to contact me and I was scared. It then dawned on me that I should look up the number to verify and low and behold my google search unveiled the name of my MIL’s business. The disbelief and shock I felt in that moment was so intense. For months I had been under the impression I could heal at my own pace and that she genuinely couldn’t access me at all, I felt like a friggen moron. Still do.
I don’t want to get into what transpired between SO and I. All I know is that my marriage is in shambles and I have both a SO and MIL issue. With all of this being said, in the text I received there was a piece where it talked about wanting to take me out to lunch this weekend in a public place to hash things out and set the record straight. Again, this is something my father has told me before which is further reason I didn’t even think twice initially. Against what others would most likely advise I did send a reply. I stated that I appreciate her reaching out but that I have seen all the proof from direct sources regarding what she has openly posted and said about me. I stated that my feelings have been hurt and that there has never been any manipulation on her behalf regarding her feelings about me and that I need a sincere apology over text to even consider meeting her this weekend. I really should’ve blocked her. While I know I have control of my actions part of the issue was what my SO was texting me at the same time and pushing me to do. I felt like I was speaking up and standing up for myself after all these months of abuse and harassment.
Her reply was typical of her, stating she has a right to her feelings and thoughts about me and that they are valid. She said she is sorry that I feel that way about what she has done and said but that this is why she wants to meet this weekend to repair things and move on. I was still respectful and stated that saying “I’m sorry YOU feel that way about what I have done” is manipulative and not an apology. I restated that until I have even a slight “I’m sorry” I’m not willing to meet up. I told her that if my SO wants to see her then that is his choice and I’d never hold him back from that. However, I felt different.
I have my own life and my own responsibilities. I personally didn’t feel like meeting her for a 50/50 chance of walking away with an apology or even more damage and manipulation. To me, it wouldn’t be worth it. I’ve been through this before and know I needed something small to even consider seeing her being a good choice this weekend. At this point, I was in a public space away from my phone and I missed a call from her. It was unintentional and had no malice. After missing her call, MIL’s text back was talking about how she has tried fixing this and is not going to talk about all of this over a text. It had to be a phone call. That missing her call was me not trying and that she is done.
That was the ending of the whole interaction there was no further contact and I have no intention of pursuing conversation with her. Again, through all of this I further support my feelings about my MIL and my SO’s actions and words following this interaction have me thinking a lot into where I go from here.
Edit: Hello everyone, I truly was not expecting to see all of these comments as I logged on this afternoon. I am currently overwhelmed with a lot of emotions. However, the amount of support I have received in my comments as well as all the advice has me very emotional. This situation is really difficult and the amount of kindness being shown is helping me so much with the internal battles and decisions I am currently making. I really love and appreciate you all. I have never felt so validated, heard, and supported and I will forever appreciate each and every one of you.