Fil passed away update

Cw – death. Weight. And I’m sure others.

My mil is oldstnope. She is a Piblic piety production that told me god told her I wasn’t good enough, that I grieved my multiple miscarriages wrong, that I grieved like a pagan, and that I was fat after gaining weight after an injury and IVFtreatments. When the entire family ignored the death of my mother, I dropped the rope entirely.

So I did post a couple of days ago but because I didn’t explicitly mention my mil it was deleted. So just doing a proper update.

Fil passed away within days of entering the hospital for weakness and dizziness. Turned out he had very advanced cancer and was unwell for a long time. It’s been a shock to everyone. As stated I’ve supported the best I could bringing food, sentimental items, bringing the kids to he hospital to visit and even going in to visit myself.

The day after fil passed, dh asked me to bring the kids to visit. He’d spent the night at his moms, and his sibling was coming over with their family too. I got ready and packed us a lunch for the car ride over . Got there and told dh if he wanted I would come up. That this wasn’t about me but him. This induced severe anxiety and panic in me but I just wanted him to know I’m there for him.

Went up and mil actually moderately behaved. No weight comments as dh shut it down hard. But she repeatedly offered my kids items to take home. This is a boundary she knows. One child was upset and told me OSN said he could have it, and I loudly said that’s fine, but grandma isn’t in charge of him and our house, and only daddy and I get to decide, that she is NOT IN CHARGE. She stopped.

Bil and sil showed up an hour late. Typical. I came alone with no help from dh, from further, and was still on time.

I haven’t been with any of these people in years. Four years for bils family. Three for mil. . I’m a total shut down mess. I obviously am uncomfortable and their response is to pretend everything is just fine. Except nephew comes in, of course has no idea who I am hears I am aunt quandry and makes a rude face at me and turns his back. Yeah. No badmouthing me anywhere right? Whatever.

I manage to avoid hugging mil saying I don’t like to due to COVID. Bil and sil obviously want to hug and I avoid it by physically putting myself away from them so they cannot. I wave instead and leave it at that.

It was an uncomfortable visit. But not terrible. I asserted a couple boundaries. I hate being there. I feel sick and not myself. The rugsweeping is Olympic level. And I am just not able to fake like they do.

Dh appreciated me being there and understands that I shut down. How does anyone play nice with people who honestly would rather you weren’t there but pretend to be happy you are. It’s gross.

Fil passed away update