Content warning – family death and illness, abuse, spiritual abuse, struggling OP.
I know this is just no mil. So just bear with me. Mil is oldstnope. A holier than though public piety production who called me a pagan for grieving losses wrong, told me god told her I wasn’t good enough, and when the whole family ignored the death of my own mother, I dropped the rope. I am three years no contact basically.
Jmfil has been sick for some time. A couple weekends ago, mil insists he got “heat stroke” from walking to the car without his hat. It’s 100 feet from the door to the car. I said no way and that it wasn’t. Hubby insisted his mom knew best.
Then jmfil cannot eat. The “heat stroke” made him sick and he’s unable to keep anything down. I repeatedly tell him to get his dad to a dr or ER. But it’s just heat stroke.
Yesterday jmfil cannot stand. He’s too weak. So extended family comes to get him and jnmil. He falls on the way into the ER. He’s rushed in. Lands up admitted while they hydrate and IV feed him. Turns out it wasn’t heat stroke. He has advanced cancer which has spread quite a bit. The prognosis is very bad. He’s not long for this world. This is no play for attention. Hubby is at the icu and speaking with drs right now. Jmfil has a brain bleed from the fall. They cannot operate even if needed because he is too weak.
Hubby and I got into it about family this weekend. Before the er visit. Partly my fault for making a semi passive aggressive comment. . He was NOT happy with me. And I get it. It was an unnecessary jab. But truth is, it’s been ten years and there’s been zero done on their part in the way of an ACTUAL apology and not a fauxpology just to gain access to hubby and the kidlets. Which they have. Access to hubby and kids but no one ever visits or bothers unless I force hubby to do something with them.
Hubby asks me over and over “why can’t you just” and insert rug sweeping tactic here. He tries not to be upset that I’m no contact, but he is. And he’s upset because he feels like my NC means he has to be NC. I’ve told him to have relationship but that I want no part of it. He’s decided to be low contact . It’s Not me pushing him to be LC.
So two things. I do have a point I promise. 1- I’m worried DH is going to resent me for his lack of relationship. I’m worried he will blame me in a way. We’ve talked about this before and he said he wouldn’t but I just don’t think he can help it. 2- when jmfil does pass I will be forced into contact with jnmil and I have no idea how to deal with this.
To top off this shit storm I just found out my abuser dad is going to my sisters wedding in two weeks and she didn’t tell me and tells me how basically I’m a horrible person for not reconciling with our father who emotionally physically and sexually abused us . I asked for empathy. She kept lecturing. I’ve now been told that I must just hate everything about her. I just wanted her to understand I was struggling.
So on top of all this with the in-laws I’m dealing with my own family crisis. Because I’m apparently a horrible sister too.
Help and support appreciated. No lectures please.
Edited to add – hubbys second cousin messaged very sweetly. The family isn’t fully aware of the rift. Because appearances.
Anyways – she tells me she has a sweet story – that she could fill a whole bookcase at a bookstore with bibles the in-laws have bought for her kids because prepandemic they were ALWAYS coming by! So often! And always had to bring a childrens bible for them.
Ask me how many times they visited here? Even before I went NC. Almost never. Reason? Oh it’s wayyyyyy toooo farrrr!
We are a ten minute longer drive to reach than the second cousin. But I guess ten extra minutes was just way too much for them.
Update 2- one of my older kids offered to watch the littles for me so I could take hubby a bag . Wanted hubby to know that . Texted hubby. And he texts back a thank you. From his mother. And him too. Fml. Boundaries. Where are they???? Apparently gone. And if I say anything right now I am the evil witch.