Enmeshed Exit

Just joined. I have been struggling with being around my MIL since last year. My DH and I moved in with them for a bit to help save for infertility.

We’ve been together 6 years and had been trying for two years before moving in with them. There were plenty of horrible things I discovered in that six months, but I’ll stick to the worst.

My partner didn’t feel comfortable sharing that we were trying. After a few months there I figured I would loosen the jar for us. In my experience, expectant grandparents have been beyond supportive of my peers who need infertility treatment.

She freaked out and had nothing besides concerns. Everything out of her louth was either personally insulting or invalidation. I was an honors student in my psych counseling graduate program, and a group home manager, but she ripped into me – making clear every judgement she had about me. She was a stay at home mom who never has a hobby or career besides her children, but me considering the same made me lazy.

I approached her the next day and provided an opportunity for her to try again and act like a human. She said “That must have been hard to hear.”

Her son asked her about it and she gaslit him.

I’ve been trying to participate with his family ever since and just this month decided to be done with all of them. Her 60th birthday is this week and it’s a load off to not have to discuss with my partner whether or not I would go. I do admit to having some resentment over my partner going after what she said to me. We had another miscarriage this year and her “care box” felt like she was celebrating the death.

We are moving to a different country and it might take a couple years to complete the process. He is not telling them until the moment we are ready to move. I cannot wait for that moment. Visualizing it might balance the rage I feel while he is at the birthday party to celebrate the eugenicist monster.

Enmeshed Exit