I and boyfriend are expecting our first child in 3 weeks. MIL is against grandkids, even during random conversations she kept telling us that having kids was horrible and although she loves hers, they’re all brats and to never have kids.
I’m anxious about boundaries. Last week MIL was down and she was complaining about a cold sore so I casually mentioned some things I spoke to my doctor about. No kissing baby, no co-sleeping with baby being the main ones. She lost it “SO NOBODY CAN EVEN CUDDLE THE BABY?” I never said no cuddling, I just don’t want you to kiss it or fall asleep with it and gave the reasoning my doctor and I discussed. “Well in my expert opinion and back when I had kids we did that and they turned out fine” in regards to co-sleeping and kissing and then just sulked so it wasn’t mentioned again.
Then came sleeping arrangements. We currently have a playpen/bassinet and twin bed in the baby room. It used to be our guest room. I mentioned I would likely sleep back and forth until we get the crib and then the twin bed would go in the basement with the double bed for guests. “SO NOBODY CAN EVEN STAY OVERNIGHT?” No, the bed downstairs is for guests. Well that started an issue too because in the winter we have a wood stove and it’s so hot down there and she can’t sleep when it’s hot. She wants to sleep in baby’s room. Boyfriend said no, that’s not happening.
Those were two recent. I haven’t seen my FIL in a while but he makes me more anxious. We’re Canadian but he is OBSESSED with American politics, specifically Donald Trump. He’s a god in his eyes. It’s ALL he talks about. Him and I get in screaming matches because he won’t stop talking about him and I ask if we can change the subject. If I walk away or pick up my phone I get screamed at that “you’re too left!! You’re soft!! You believe the fake news bullshit they are feeding you. There’s something wrong with you” he also has what we believe is early onset dementia. He forgets things and tells the same Trump story a million times, he forgets the oven is on. FIL and MIL don’t even appear to get along, they both just give each other attitude the whole time.
I am DREADING their first visit and then visits to their place. FIL is not vaccinated against covid because “covid doesn’t exist and it’s all lies by the government about this bullshit. They’re trying to control us” I know they won’t listen to my boundaries, even having my boyfriend back me, they somehow always manage to guilt him into getting their way. They say they’re coming for a day visit and then bring an overnight bag and stay for 2 nights. FIL sits and reads the news and says how it’s all fake, MIL complains about literally everything and any help she does give isn’t actual help and I need to fix everything she does. The snide comments drive me up the wall.
And although we are Canadian, what is going on in the US is breaking my heart. I absolutely will not listen to his stance on what is happening because he really has no idea as a 75 year old close minded white man. I will not support his ideas and will not allow my child to be brainwashed into believing any of it is okay. I just don’t want to hear it.
Does dealing with in-laws get better? We can’t exactly go no contact because boyfriend grew up with this and thinks it’s all normal behaviour.
TL/DR: in-laws drive me up the wall, baby is coming soon and they do not listen to boundaries. Can’t go no contact, do things get better? Am I over reacting with all the hormones? I also just needed to vent because I am stressed to the max. Hormones are driving me insane.