Dismissive MIL

I’ve mentioned in a previous post about my dismissive MIL situation. It’s really taking a toll on my mental health and my relationship. I’m questioning my reasoning about it all too. I come from an upbringing of trauma – which I’ve moved past and healed from. However- it causes me to not really know what healthy looks like and if my fear response gets triggered over things that are trivial…

I do know that my MIL rarely acknowledges my presence when I bring my son to see her. Or when she comes into my home. She doesn’t make eye contact with me and when she does she looks away very quickly. She also strangely does everything I do. I like a certain brand of makeup- now she’s always going out to buy that brand. I got a new purse from her son. Next thing you know her boyfriend buys her a purse. I know this is all petty- but there’s something about being in her presence which triggers a lot of past feelings of worthlessness for me. The underlying way she treats me is very dismissive. As another example: when I talk to her or ask her a question, sometimes she flat out ignores me and I have to ask her twice or 3 times. She doesn’t really offer any type of emotional support either or comforting. My son had a serious issue when he was born and needed a major surgery at CHOP. You’d think she’d have any empathy – nope. It became all about her.

Some other things-

-she made a photo album of my son’s first year of life. Ton’s of pictures of my fiancee , herself and my son. The cover of the album was a picture of my fiancee and my son asleep on the couch. No pictures of me

-At son’s 1st birthday, I greeted her twice in front of my fiancee and her ex-husband. She didn’t even look at me. The good thing is that my fiancee saw this- so he now has experienced her behavior.

-Dropped my son off at her home. She literally ran out into the parking lot of her complex, didn’t greet me or invite me in to discuss caring for my son, and whisked him away with her boyfriend by her side. It feels almost like she has her boyfriend with her as protection or as a defense against me???

These are just a few of many many incidents…

The weird thing is that she does call and text me. So if she dislikes me and gives me these very clear signals- what’s going on here. I’m not sure how to respond to this situation or what to do if it doesn’t improve. Is here behavior enough of a reason to now have Grandma around?

Dismissive MIL