So I’m curious about other people’s insight on this. Because I don’t even know what this technically is called but I know it’s so unhealthy.
Backstory; I’ve been with my husband for 10 years now. When we moved in together and had our first kid 6 years ago all kinds of crap started with his family.
Disruption just erupted out of no where it seems with my MIL and SIL . My MIL overall is controlling and manipulative, she tries to exercise authority over all of us and guilts us.
Well the #1 conflict has been the family dynamic. We don’t get together but for holidays now, and we are not close as family nor have we ever been close as a family beyond amount of time together . My MIL is known for her frequent group chat messages to us 4 guilt tripping us about the family dynamics saying that we “have to do better”.
So I reached my breaking point a couple years ago with the “hints” from MIL that she was tired of planning holidays. My husband gave me permission to reach out to his family and plan our Mother’s Day brunch. So I did; no one responded but my MIL. No one cooperated for picking out a date after two weeks of no response. Which is typical response for me… at family gatherings everyone talks over me and ignores me if I speak. My husband told me never to plan a family holiday for them after that. And I haven’t.
I decided after some of the accusations and other actions from MIL and SIL to not have a personal relationship with them. But I continued to try to get our family to be a family. My SIL complains that our kids are not close every time my MIL goes on her rants in group texts to defend MIL pov. So for the past year, every time SIL said something about getting together with the kids or the kids playing together… I will agree and initiate the planning process just for my SIL to completely ghost me. The last time I invited my MIL over she never showed up on the day she said she was coming over.
So I’m pretty pissed because I have countless stories of this. And yet they are the two people texting everyone saying we don’t act like a family, we don’t get together, and need to do better “for the kids’ sake”. But I try! What am I supposed to do when I’m ghosted? What am I supposed to do when you refuse to cooperate or show up?
I have realized it’s not actually my fault. My husband doesn’t reach out to his mom at all and vice versa. So I do think the root of the problem is between her and her sons, not me. But I do end up being the scapegoat with nasty guilt tripping texts from SIL and MIL as well as other family members telling me what’s been said about me and this issue.
This isn’t the only “toxic” thing that has happened with these two, my MIL has done tons of manipulative things over the years. So I’m feeling like I should go NC for a while to heal because it’s been ruining my mental health, and sending me into a spiral all the time. Not to mention even when we get together I dread it so bad, and it causes major anxiety.
I really just don’t get how you can complain about not getting together and place the blame on everyone when I’m the one being ignored when I try to solve the issue..